Life For Rent
by Kate Taylor
Summary: EO oneshot. Olivia rethinks her life's choices and where they've gotten her. Though not a songfic, the title is taken from a song by the same title by Dido.


Disclaimer: The characters in this story are not my own but are the property of Wolf Productions and NBC.

Rated: G

Summery: E/O one-shot. Olivia rethinks her life's choices and where they've gotten her. Though not a songfic, the title is taken from a song by the same title by Dido---

"If my life is for rent,

And I don't learn to buy.

Well, I deserve nothing more than I get,

Cause' nothing I have it truly mine..."

**--- Life For Rent ---**

The apartment was silent as Olivia Benson sat motionless on her sofa. She'd been staring ahead at the empty white wall across the room for what seemed like hours.

In all of her years at SVU, she'd rarely taken a sick day, but she had this morning. She'd been feeling down lately, not that she had a particular reason.

Despite the fact that it was now noon, she was still in the clothes she'd worn to bed. Grey sweats and a white tank top. Her shoulder-length, golden brown hair fell messily about her face. She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, her eyes still staring at that wall, as blank and as empty as her own life. She needed a change. She didn't want to be alone anymore.

A chill ran through her and she reached for a nearby blanket, wrapping it around herself as she closed her eyes. This was the first she'd admitted any of this to herself. She'd always been so strong, so independent, as though she didn't need anybody.

She'd only allowed herself to get close to a chosen few. She was beginning to feel as though her life was merely for rent to those chosen few. It was her way of remaining in control of her own life, her own feelings, her own heart.

Olivia let out a long sigh as she wrapped the blanket tighter around herself and leaned back against the couch. She hadn't slept all night and it was beginning to catch up with her.

All her life, she'd always managed to remain in control of the situation but lately, she found herself losing that control. Was it good? Bad? She really didn't know, she'd never felt this way before. She'd been in countless relationships, all of them, though intiment, somehow unfulfilling. There was always something missing in them. Maybe it was the love part. That feeling that you're supposed to get at the mere thought of that person.

Olivia shivered again, but this time, not from the cold. There was only one person in her life who had made her begin to feel this way and it was only now that she even began to admit it to herself. It was the strangest, most fulfilling feeling that she'd ever felt in her life and it felt right. It had never felt more right. But she opened her eyes and sat forward once again. She could never be sure that he even felt the same way.

But somehow, it didn't matter. If it was all that was allowed of her, she would love him from a distance. Love? Had she truly thought it? She sat back once again, sleepy for the first time in days. She was at peace with her conclusions.

The distant rumble of thunder caused her to glance up suddenly, her eyes settling on a nearby clock. It was four o'clock in the afternoon. She hadn't realized that she'd dozed off. Her eyes traveled downward at her disheveled appearance and she stood up, heading for her bedroom to change into some clothes.

It only took her five minutes to throw something on, grab her jacket and head for the door. She knew where she wanted to go. As she headed down the elevator, she quickly ran a hand threw her hair to smooth it out. Reaching the bottom floor, she made her way outside and to her car.

A soft rain had begin to fall by the time she reached his house. Knowing that it would be awhile before he got home, she pulled up in front of it and sat in silence, listening to the rain fall. Rain had a way of bringing her down at times but on days like today, it was just beautiful and somehow calming. To the sound of the rain falling softly on her windshield, she'd soon dozed off again but a tap on the passenger window awoke her.

She glanced up to find him looking at her with concern filled eyes as she fumbled for the lock. She found it and he opened the door to sit in the passenger seat next to her.

"Elliot?" She managed to ask, trying to mask the exhaustion written all over her face. "I must have dozed off ." She glanced at her wrist to realize that she'd forgotten her watch in her haste to get dressed earlier. "What time is it?"

He smiled at her, though the concern was still apparent on his face. "6:30," He stated. Cragen had let him go early and he'd stopped by Olivia's apartment not long before, to find her not there. He couldn't help but be worried and he was glad to find her here.

"You all right?" He asked and she finally turned her gaze on him. He was unsure of how she'd take his worrying over her.

She stared at him for a moment, looking into his eyes as though searching for something more in them, but she was unsure of what she saw. Was it simply concern for a friend? She decided that it was.

"Yeah, I'm fine," She finally replied, barely above a whisper before once again turned to stare at the rain falling harder now, onto the windshield.

He didn't remove his own gaze from her as he couldn't help but wonder why she'd looked at him that way. Was he reading too much into it? There were things that he would have liked to have said, things that he had begun to feel over the past year. But at the risk of their friendship, he remained silent.

"You look tired," He finally decided that voicing his concern was better than allowing her to continue on this way. It hadn't escaped him that she hadn't been getting much sleep lately.

"I'm fine, El." She said, feeling that wall go back up. Why did she find it so hard to let someone in?

He knew that she wasn't and though she didn't sound angry or annoyed by his question, she didn't sound like she wanted to talk about it either. He wondered why she'd come here, sitting here in her car, in the rain, waiting for him to come home. Something was clearly bothering her and she'd come here. He wondered inwardly if he was searching for something that wasn't there. He decided he was.

They sat in silence for a moment, listening to the rain together. Elliot had always loved the sound of the rain hitting the roof as he laid in bed at night but lately, it had only served to remind him of the emptiness of his house and the loneliness he felt. But somehow, sitting here with her, his partner of seven years, his best friend, somehow it sounded so different.

He hadn't really thought it through and he was unsure of even why he did it but suddenly, he found himself reaching for her hand.

Olivia flinched momentarily at his touch, soley out of surprise. She really hadn't expected him to reach for her hand but what surprised her most was her reaction of lacing her fingers with his own. She turned her eyes back on him now and found what she'd been hoping to see in his eyes.

Despite her tired eyes and messy hair, he'd never known her to look so beautiful.

They sat that way for a moment, neither wanting to pull their gaze off of each other. Elliot was surprised when Olivia finally pulled her hand from his.

"I've uh.." She fumbled for words. "I've got to go." She was refusing to look him in the eye again, her silent fears bringing the wall back up. He looked confused but his own fears caused him to let it go.

"See you at work in the morning?"

She merely nodded and he reached for the handle before letting himself out into the rain that had turned into a downpour. She watched him step quickly toward the house before wondering why she'd allowed her fears to get the best of her once again. Had she really seen what she thought she'd seen in his eyes? She was sure she had.

"Elliot?"

He was halfway up the walkway to his house when he heard her and he turned to find her running toward him. By the time that she was at his side, she was as drenched as he was. He was surprised when she reached for his hand. Her hair was soaked and strands of it stuck to her face as she looked up at him.

She realized now that here she was standing in the pouring down rain with him, she'd ran after him only to have no idea as to what it was that she wanted to say.

"I need to know..." She finally stated unsure as whether he even knew what it was that she needed to know.

He stared into her eyes for several moments, oblivious now to the pouring rain, oblivious now to everything but her. It only took him a moment before he placed his hand on the back of her head and brought her lips to meet his in a passionate kiss. She let go of his other hand to reach for his jacket and pulled him closer as he cupped her face in his hands.

The low rumble of thunder could again be heard in the distance as they continued to stand in the pouring rain, neither of them willing to let go. Olivia felt his hands cup her face as he gently brushed the wet strands of hair away from her face. And as their kiss deepened, she realized now that she'd never again allow her life to be for rent. She was in this one to buy.

The End

Kate Taylor


End file.
